Thursday, May 26, 2005

Dogs that Bark

The topic of the day is dogs that bark. And why do I have to own them?

Right now, my beloved doggie is outside, barking his fool head off. Why, you ask? OK, maybe don't ask. Maybe you don't care. But I do. And so do my neighbors. And their neighbors. And the people five freaking blocks away.

He's quite loud, that dog.

So why is he barking? Why does the tree grow in the forest? Because he can. Because another dog has had the temerity to walk within 2000 feet of his home. Because there are PEOPLE in the area. Because squirrels raise their squeaky little rodential heads near by. Because something breathes within Oak Park.

The doofus is in my backyard right now, circling endlessly at the back gate, afroth over some perceived movement in the area. And yet. And yet. Is he a good guard dog? Does he even NOTICE when someone enters my house? Rarely. Oh so rarely. Hell, one Mother's Day, a friend came over early to help Annie make me breakfast in bed. Doofus didn't even raise his head to notice the unknown intruder.

Well, she wasn't unknown to him, as she feeds him regularly. But still, a little bark in such a situation would be soothing, reassuring even. Nope. He saves his barks for such threatening moments as right now. Where he is standing guard over our dangerous alley gate, lurking as he waits for some innocent mother with a gurgling baby to stroll by. Then he'll throw himself onto the fence, yelping like a banshee, shocking the beejeesus out of the poor, exhausted mother, making the baby who just fell asleep after being awake all night in a colicky uproar cry.

Not that I've personalized any of this or anything. Not that I worry about the impression my barkamatic mutt makes on the neighborhood. Oh, no. I'm 43. I don't worry about what others say anymore.

Last fall, he escaped our yard and ran through to the next fence, to bark maniacally at a visiting small rat dog in the next yard over. Said rat dog's owner was convinced the slobbering idiot was going to leap the fence and devour rat dog and children standing near by.

We should be so lucky. At least then his barking would bring purpose, meaning, to his life. Nope. He just wanted to BARK at the damn rat dog.

Ruff, ruff.

Until tomorrow,


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