Sunday, March 02, 2014

Decide, damn it: an oscillation of vacillation

I am, by nature, a decisive individual. For years, I made decisions, even proclamations, with alarming ease. Place something before me that required a choice of A or B and I would readily choose, unconstrained by any fear of making the wrong choice. I was, long before Bush #43, The Decider. 

My level of sagacity in those decision-making processes might have been embarrassingly similar to GWB, but that would be another post entirely, now, wouldn't it? 

While I am no longer quite so carefree with my deliberations, I am still usually capable of choosing between A or B. Usually. Today was not usual. Today was a day of bountiful, even stunning, indecision on my part. 

It was one of those days when I should have stayed in bed. In fact, I did stay in my snuggly bed with my furry friend (the DOG, people!) for quite a while. But I wasn't enjoying those moments. Nope. They were spent hemming and hawing about what should come first, shower or shovel. Or breakfast, then shovel. Or wake up Jonathan and have him shovel. Or not shovel until after church?

It was an ominous sign of the insidious vacillation scheduled to mar my entire day, sans church. No decisions were needed there. The choice regarding whether I would make the same mistakes in Bell Choir or entirely and excitingly new mistakes was completely out of my hands, unfortunately. 

But the rest of the day? Oh, that was all mine. Mine to agonize over every single solitary possible choice presented to me. Actions that would not ordinarily BE or REQUIRE decisions became vast cesspools of quandary. A tiny example?

Every Sunday morning, rather than going around the very long block of Concordia University, I make a u-turn in front of Grace Lutheran Church.

OK, OK. At the side of GLC. On Division Street. When it's empty of pedestrians and people with walkers. Ssshhhh. 

This morning? I sat in my car for, I kid you not, at least 6.5 minutes pondering whether or not I should make a u-turn. Here is a brief peak into Little Lizzie's logic (or lack thereof):

Aren't u-turns illegal? If I get too many traffic tickets, will that keep me from getting my law license back? It would be safer to make the all-left-turn circle around Concordia. But around the block is a waste of gas. And time. And then I have to wait at the light at Augusta. That light takes forever. Why is that light so freaking long?
What if I made all right turns, instead? And, if I'm making all right turns, I'd be up near the RF Dominicks and I can go grocery shopping there. I need groceries. Well, I need tonic. And spinach. And milk. 
Oh. The RF Dominicks is closed. Where will I go grocery shopping? Spinach is on sale at Jewel. But milk is less expensive at Costco. Both too crowded. Maybe I should go to Trader Joes. But I hate that damn bell they ring when another lane needs to open. What about the Madison Jewel? Then my tax dollars end up in Oak Park.
Wait. Shelve that decision. That's a much harder decision than which kind of turn. Go back to the turn. U-turn or circle. U-turn or circle? Are u-turns illegal?
TMI, certainly. But this is truly how my day--and brain--passed the time today. In the late afternoon, after I spent 45 minutes trying to decide if, and where, and how I should go grocery shopping, I yelled "I surrender" and ran to T's house for beer and commiseration.

(And, yes, a woman who is home during the week was going grocery shopping late Sunday afternoon. Which is, possibly, an even more alarming situation than the indecisiveness. Let us simply note that it was not my most organized 48 hours. And spinach, milk and tonic are very important to the smooth-running of the T-G household.)

Fueled by commiseration and beer, I returned from the ill-fated Jewel run to face yet another decision: what's for dinner? 

On a day like today, there was only one possible answer: a very large bowl of Blue Bunny Bunny Tracks, liberally laced with chocolate sauce!


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