Saturday, June 04, 2005

Two Things

Thing 1.
Yesterday was our anniversary. 21 years. Truly amazing. He's a good guy. And, as I often tell my friend Ann, he's doing the best he can. :-) We didn't celebrate until today, as we had family in town. And Annie had another softball game.

A lot of life gets planned around softball right now. But there are only a few games left, for which I am both sad and grateful. It is much fun to watch her play. She is so smooth out in the field, her throws fluid and her moves athletic. And when she gets ahold of the ball and gives it a good whack, wow!

Back to the anniversary. We had a lovely dinner out at Cucina Paradiso Had some yummy beef. And bread pudding to die for. Overly full, I am.

Thing 2. Or so.
Sometimes, it is really hard to be a friend. I have a good friend who is going through a really difficult time right now. This friend is definitely incapable at this point of being a friend to me, for various and very good reasons. Said friend is making it incredibly difficult for me to be available: putting conditions on the friendship, tests, "if you do this, we can't be friends".

I am really struggling with what it means to be a friend, what a friend is and does. How am I supposed to know when we've gone beyond friendship into mental health struggles that I am not prepared to deal with? How can I be supportive but not get emotionally eaten up? Where does privacy begin and end?

This person is incapable of anything but an all or nothing friendship right now. Either tells me EVERYTHING or NOTHING. Can't manage personal boundaries, can't tell the person that really should be told EVERYTHING everything.

I am tired tonight. And feeling a bit of a failure. Though I don't think I should in this friendship. I think I'm doing a decent job in a no-win situation. But I'm not liking it. Finding no joy in it. And am deeply wishing I knew what would be best for all concerned.

Until tomorrow,


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